To Be Rendered Speechless
by StandingInTheCold
Summary: Okay, Humanstuck! AU DaveKarkat story. Fluff, Lemon (later chapters) Dave and Karkat's friendship takes a dive off the deep end, them both ending up in cutie pie positions. Request from BreetheRaven. There will be the smuts.


**Hello kittens and welcome! This is a one-shot request for Bree the Raven! There will be cute little emotions and mixed signals! There will be hot and heated sex! There will be cute cuddling! Hell, there might even be a fight or three! This will end well, just saying, and it may be a little long, bwgaf. **

**Oh, focus on the characters will flip back and forth in the story. Like, for a couple of minutes, we will see Dave, then bam, we will be focused on Karkat. Sorry if that bugs anyone! Enjoy! **

Karkat Vantas slumped down in his chair, his attention wandering far from anything school related. His stormy grey eyes closed a minute and he pinched the bridge of his nose, his frustration with the dumb ass teacher beginning to show. The teacher of the class droned on and on, causing Karkat to get a steady head ache. He laid his head down onto his arms, his black hair being pushed up his forehead, and looked at his table partner for the period. Every time he saw the kid, his heart jumped in his chest and his skin would get flushed and warm.

Dave Strider sat next to Karkat Vantas in Physics, and good lord, was Karkat attractive. Dave had noted a long time ago at the beginning of the year how much Karkat had changed over the summer. Karkat used to be small framed, short, thin, and cranky. Now, Karkat was still cranky and short, but he had filled out, lean muscles growing taut under black t-shirts and skinny jeans. Dave mentally scolded himself for thinking about someone like that, even if it was true.

Dave's eyes flickered to the other boy just a moment before going back to doodling on his note book. His blond hair was shaggy and light, falling over his forehead. His pitch black aviator hid his bright red eyes. He was wearing a bright red sweater; blue jeans slung low on his hips, and cherry red converse on his feet. Dave leaned over and elbowed the short kid in the ribs.

"Ouch, what the actual fuck, Strider," Karkat grumbled under his breath to the cool kid next to him. He took a hand and rubbed his hurt side. Karkat glared at Dave, his grey eyes burning holes into the side of the Strider's face. Dave stayed cool, his mask relaxed.

"I was wondering what you were doing this weekend," Dave looked down at Karkat. Karkat held his breath a minute before looking up at Dave again.

"I don't have anything planned if that's what you're asking me," Karkat said quietly as to not gain the attention of the teacher. Dave's mouth turned up at the ends in a slight smirk.

"Cool, want to go see a movie then?" Karkat felt his heart literally stop pounding in his chest a moment. Was Dave Strider, the King of Cool, asking him out on a date? Apparently so, because Dave was smirking, and he raised a brow at him all seductive like.

Karkat swallowed and straightened up, sliding his hand across the desk, taking Dave's pen and notebook from him. Karkat blushed and grumbled to himself as he opened up to the first page to see drawings of sea monsters and giant trolls climbing up the side of his papers. Karkat took the pen, and in his choppy curt handwriting, wrote down his cell phone number before shoving the notebook back at its owner.

Dave smirked, his quick fingers shoving his notebook and pens back into his book bag. Karkat laid his head down in his arms, his cheeks bright red. What did he just do? He just gave Dave Fucking Strider his cell phone number. Did he even like Dave like that? Sure, they got along and hung out sometimes, but he never gave almost anyone his number. In fact, the only people who had his cellular device's contact number were Kanaya Maryam and Terezi Pyrope, other than his parents.

The bell rang, causing Karkat's head to snap up in surprise. He leaned over to grab his stuff when suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Dave looming over him.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your next class," Dave smirked at the pink blush that filled Karkat's cheeks again. Karkat stood and he walked side by side with Dave out into the hallway that was packed with bodies. Dave stayed right next to Karkat until they got to the English room.

Dave gave Karkat a curt head nod before being swept up into the crowd of fellow teenagers. Karkat looked out into the hallway a few seconds, before finally opening the door into English III. Karkat sat through the rest of the day, grumbling to desk neighbors, sleeping through a class, until finally he heard the final bell ring, signaling the end of the school day. Karkat grabbed his bag and stalked off to his locker to grab a book. He was in the middle of opening it when all of a sudden, Kanaya materialized out of nowhere and grabbed his book for him, reaching over his head.

"Here you are, Karkat." She smirked her black lipped smirk at him as he fumed. He ripped the book from her grasp. A couple of his books were just high enough that he couldn't reach them sometimes. He glared daggers at her.

"I could have reached that one on my own, you nosey lesbian." Now it was true, Kanaya was a lesbian and she took the name graciously. She smiled down at him, showing perfect white teeth.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Vantas." She shrugged her slender shoulders slightly. "Am I still giving you a ride home tonight?" Karkat just nodded his head and followed her to the parking lot, still slightly bitter about the book thing.

She dropped him off at home and left soon. Only once Kanaya was gone did he dare glance at his phone. There was one text from an unknown number and another from Terezi. He opened the text from Terezi first.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14:59.

GC: H3Y K4RKL3S 1 N33D TO T4LK TO YOU SOM3T1M3 TOD4Y 4ND 1LL KNOW 1F YOU IGNOR3 TH1S M3SS4G3 YOU KR4B C4K3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:01.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 15:28.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT YOU COLOR LICKING PHYCO?

GC: 4W K4RKL3S TH4TS M34N :[

CG: I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NICE OR NOT. WHAT DO YOU WANT.

GC: 1 W4S WOND3R1NG 1F YOU H4V3 4NYTH1NG GO1NG ON S4T3RD4Y

GC: :?

CG: ER. KIND OF. I HAVE HOMEOWRK TO DO NOW, LEAVE ME ALONE.

GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG S4T3RD4Y :?!

CG: NO.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 15:48.

GC: HUMPH

GC: F1N3 WH4T 3V3R

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:50

Karkat sighed and looked at his cell phone long and hard, finally drawing in a deep breath and held it as he opened the unknown message.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:35.

TG: hey just saying its me dave and we need to come up with something for saturday night

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:36.

Karkat breathed in through his nose and let out a deep breath before typing a response.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:56.

CG: HEY.

TG: hey

CG: SO…ERM.

TG: hah yeah I was wondering what time I should pick you up for the movies on saturday night

CG: YEAH, HOW DOES 6:00 PM SOUND TO YOU?

TG: sounds great see you then

CG: HEY WAIT.

TG: yea?

CG: WHY DID YOU ASK ME OUT?

TG: … because im a cool kid and I do whatever I want

TG: that's why crab pants now ill see you tomorrow at school

CG: OKAY THAT'S A LAME REASON BUT WHATEVER THEN DICK MOUTH, BYE.

TG: bye

CG: AND HEY. 3

TG: ugh really

CG: JUST FUCKING HUMOUR ME OKAY.

TG: fine

TG: 3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:12.

TG: youre a dork vantass

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 16:14.

Dave looked down at his phone and let, for just a brief moment, a real smile spread across his lips. He shoved his cool back where it belonged, hiding any traces of joy on his face, but still smiled inside. He put his phone into his pocket and ventured out from his room to the kitchen, opening the fridge and reaching past the shitty swords his brother kept in there to a bottle of unopened bottle of apple juice, otherwise known as AJ in the Strider's household. He was just closing the fridge door when Bro popped up in the room in his sweatpants and favorite tee shirt, minus his hat, a slight smirk on his face.

"Hey Lil man, what's happening?" He looked at the younger man with the corners of his mouth pulled up in a sly looking smirk. The dirty bastard knew something.

"Eh, you know, nothing," Dave held up the bottle in his hand, not giving anything away to the older man. Bro knew that Dave had a thing for the opposite sex sometimes, but Bro didn't know how often the guy-to-guy hookups were for Dave.

"Cool, got anything going on this weekend?" Bro leaned on the counter, quirking an eyebrow at the younger. Dave frowned.

"Erm, kind of." Dave took a sip of his drink, hoping that Bro would drop it. He didn't.

"Oh? What do you have going on then?" Bro let out a slight chuckle at the look of defiance Dave gave him, puffing out his cheeks and wrinkling his brow in frustration. It was a look of "NO NO NO NO NO DON'T ASK ME STUFF GO AWAY." But bro ignored it and pushed on further, asking for details of who it was he was gonna see and what he had planned for the pretty gal. Dave sighed to himself and decided it would be best to just tell the old man the truth.

"Okay okay, you want to hear?" Dave smirked and sat at the island.

"Bring it on girl friend." Bro sat across from him and smiled slightly.

"I'm going out this weekend with Karkat Vantas." Dave watched for a sign of mockery from Bro. He seemed a little taken aback, but okay.

"You mean that little shit fuck that has come over a few times and has been yelling loudly until you flirted with him then he got all quiet and cute?"

"Yeah, that's the same guy."

There was a moment of silence.

"Good for you."

** OKAY PEOPLE THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A ONE SHOT! SORRY IT HAS TAKEN TEN THOUSAND YEARS TO GET THIS OUT, BREE THE RAVEN I AM SO SO SO SO SO SOS SO SOS SOS OS OSOSOSOSOSOS SORRY!. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT SOONE!**

**~QUINN**


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